This blog is from the heart, informed by having been married to a closeted gay man and understanding how that experience changed the trajectory of my life, both as a woman and as a psychotherapist. Please add to the conversation and "Follow" if you're so inclined; all voices are welcome!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Distance

Here are some wise words, posted by a fellow straight spouse. 

Some of these suggestions are the exact opposite of what we want to do, what we're drawn to do.

Remaining engaged can feel comforting in the short-term, but ultimately it just prolongs the pain, especially if our partners have already moved on.

Distancing is especially important in an emotional relationship gone wrong. 


    Stop asking new personal things of your partner about him/herself.

    Don't give out personal things about yourself to them.  


    Don't bend over backward to help them more than is necessary.

    Don't help them if they or someone else can.

    Don't bend over backward to celebrate any occasions that involve them. 

    Avoid discussions that involve their lives, re: old topics.

    Start to develop new activities that don't involve them.

    Try to make new friends, acquaintances, anything.

    Make small changes in your life: rearrange furniture, change decorations, try new soaps, ride your bike in a different route, eat at a different restaurant, eat different foods, cook them a different way, shop at different stores, rearrange the landscaping, change some of your habits, change the style of clothing you wear, etc.

    If they ask favors of you, tell them you want time to think about it.


                                                                                                           ~ Author unknown                                                                    


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