On Sunday, March 24th, I was a guest on Bonnie Kaye's Blog Talk Radio show, "Straight Wives Talk Show." In preparation for the show, I had the opportunity to spend nearly an hour on the phone chatting with Bonnie, who is a fellow therapist and straight spouse. She has been offering therapy services to straight spouses since 1984; ironically, that is the same year I met my ex. I can't tell you how invigorating it is to talk with other str8 therapists who are doing this work; it's a small but powerful sorority.
Just like running into a fellow American in another country, when communicating with other str8s there is a certain knowledge of that other person, a connection that is immediate and unspoken. I. Know.You. No explanations, no painful questions, no raised eyebrows.
Then the questions come: How long have you been doing this work? When did your husband come out? Have you remarried? Do you tell clients your story? What do think about this? What do you believe about that?
Back in the Stone Age when my ex-husband came out, there were no internet groups, no str8 face-to-face support groups, no therapists that I knew of who had ever heard of such a thing, no anything. In the words of Jean Gochros Schaar, PhD, in her 1989 book "When Husbands Come Out of the Closet", there was only profound isolation, or what she so eloquently calls "a terrible sense of lonely uniqueness."
I hope that you will listen to my chat with Bonnie, and let us know if we can be of help, whether it's through resources and referrals, professional expertise, or simply hard-won wisdom. Your thoughts or comments are welcomed. The show can be heard at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bonnielkaye/2013/03/25/straight-wives-talk-show.
Remember, you don't have to go through this experience alone.